After he was gone I was angry for a long time.

It felt like there was so much left for him to do. Specifically, there was a lot for him to do for *me*.

I have come to realise over time, though, that even if my dad had lived, he would have been no use at all. I was always going to have to learn about myself *by* myself. He was never going to help.

And so I have learned to make things up as I go along; remake myself each time I find myself in a new situation, a new location. And sometimes I even invent new locations, places where it might be possible for my dad still to exist.

Oldton is where my dad lives.